The 2017 Field Guide to Christmas Creep

Retailer	Date
Denny's	October 16
Balsam Hill	October 22
Best Buy	October 29
Vicks (NyQuil)	November 1
Toys R Us	November 2
Buick	November 4
eBay	November 5
The Home Depot	November 5
Kia	November 5
Kraft	November 5
King Soopers	November 9
Mercedes-Benz	November 12
Hershey	November 13
Honda	November 13
Pampers	November 13
Chrysler	November 15

A Field Guide to Christmas Creep

One idea I have had for fighting Christmas creep is to catalog the first date on which each retailer begins its Christmas/"holiday"-themed advertising. In this way, each reader can draw his or her own line in the sand as to how early is too early, and boycott accordingly.

This post will be updated continually up to and including December 25. If you'd like to be an additional pair of eyes for scouting out yuletide horseshit, feel free to drop me a line.

Thanks to my friend Michael LaVigne for motivating me to do this. 

Retailer	Date
Rent-a-Center	October 3
Kay Jewelers	October 10
Denny's	October 11
British Airways	October 12
Best Buy	October 25
Duracell	October 29
Home Depot	October 31
Starbucks	November 1
Infiniti	November 2
Mercedes-Benz	November 4
Kia	November 6
Bass Pro Shop	November 7
Lowe's	November 8
Keurig	November 9
Heineken	November 17

The Optimal Number of Mass Shootings Is Not Zero

From an emotional standpoint, I am at as much of a loss as anyone else to say something new or insightful when word arrives of yet another tragic nightmare involving a gun. One literally does not have enough time to process the immense horror of Colorado Springs before the still greater horror of San Bernardino (or Killeen, or Newtown, or Blacksburg, or . . . ) demands our collective attention and grief. The particular facts of each event may change, but the emotions elicited fundamentally do not; each time we have almost healed, we are hurt again. One is reminded, grimly, of Sisyphus, or perhaps of the punishment of Prometheus.

But from a logical standpoint, the conversation about guns in this country is so heated that no moderate position feels tenable, so vicious that only the most self-righteous dare attempt to defend their beliefs, and so much more concerned with signaling than with solutions that nothing meaningful can ever be accomplished by it.

This, then, is an attempt to return to first principles and thereafter tackle the problem dispassionately. This approach may strike some as callous. It may well be (I invite my readers to recall the title of this blog). But a new lens is needed, and this is the best I can come up with. I have a bias, but herein I make as great an effort as I can to keep it in check. I hope my thinking is helpful. My approach begins with one question:

What is the optimal number of mass shootings?

Christmas Is Not Secular

In the United States of America, where I live, the most popular holiday on the calendar is three days away. The name of this holiday is derived from the phrase "Christ's Mass." This holiday inspires songs with lyrics like "It is the night of our dear Savior's birth/Long lay the world in sin and error pining/'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth." Millions of people celebrate this holiday by constructing on their property visual representations of the virgin birth of the son of God.

And millions of other people would tell me, with straight faces and apparent sincerity, that this holiday is secular. Some of these people are some combination of lying, insane, and stupid; some are desperately gullible; most are simply confrontation-averse to a fault. Christmas is not, in any way, shape, or form, secular, and it never has been, and it never will be.

Yes, Of Course Home-Field Advantage Exists in the Postseason

I like baseball, and I like probability, and so I especially like thinking about probability in baseball. As you might imagine, this takes me to the mathier corners of the part of the Internet devoted to baseball, and the baseballier corners of the part of the Internet devoted to math, and the most unapologetically nerdy corners of the Internet in general.

What were the best (and worst) World Series, and World Series games, ever?

Two days ago, the Giants won the World Series. Congratulations to them (I guess; I was rooting, fairly stridently, for the Royals to beat them). While I wish the result had been different, there's no denying that the Series was a ton of fun to watch -- it was a back-and-forth affair between two very good teams. The Royals, in the playoffs for the first time in 29 years, rode blazing speed, terrific defense, and a brilliant (and almost totally anonymous) bullpen to the brink of a world championship, while the Giants, uh, have Madison Bumgarner. (And Hunter Pence, who annoys the shit out of me with how many hits he gets from two-strike counts.)

A Holy Day for Fresh Starts

One of my favorite holidays is fast approaching. It's a day when the beauty of spring is in its fullest splendor. It's a day for rebirth and renewal. It's a day with no regrets when anything is possible.

I'm speaking, of course, about Opening Day.

I'm an atheist, which means I don't have the right to observe any religion's holidays. (On occasion I have been mistaken for, beseeched to become, or half-seriously referred to as, Jewish. Alas, I'm not that cool. And I still have my foreskin.) I've never experienced the fullest joy of Christmas or the humble, celebratory sacrifices of Passover. And Easter is particularly problematic -- it was, in fact, my complete inability to believe the story of Easter that first made me wonder whether I was religious.

But I do understand the nature of Easter. Because I've got my own version.